Attention, completionists! This game will take a decade to ‘plat’

Some games are notoriously hard to complete. Me, I’m already struggling to ‘plat’ (referring to the Platinum trophy on PSN) a simple game. But others seem to get a kick out of platting games. Believe me, I know some. Well, if you’re one of them, do I have something for you. Because I found a game that’s literally impossible to complete 100%, unless you have ten years to burn.

Do I have your full attention? Great. I won’t keep you in suspense. I’m talking about the fresh re-release of The Stanley Parable. To those familiar with Crows Crows Crows’ walking sim, I won’t have to explain what the game’s all about. Then again, explaining it to those who aren’t is almost impossible.

Let’s just say it’s an odd one. All you do is walk a few miles in Stanley’s shoes and figure out what the hell happened at the office. That’s about it, really. But for some reason, people have been gladly doing it since 2013. They’ve been moseying on, making choices, and dealing with the consequences of them. Nothing more, nothing less. It’s like real life, but digitally, and with Trophies.

Now, those trophies are all fine and dandy – and give some a genuine sense of accomplishment – but The Stanley Parable: Ultra Deluxe makes you work for the ultimate prize. Or, as it turns out, it actually demands that you don’t work for it at all. As listed on Exophase.com, the Super Go Outside trophy asks you to do one thing: don’t play the game for ten years. If you manage to do that, it’ll unlock automatically.

Do you think you can handle that, dear completionists? Or will you suffer immensely, knowing that this one game will ruin your impeccable plat status until at least April 27, 2032?

Poor you…