Some say GTA 6 might get the softer, feminine touch

A female protagonist in a game like Grand Theft Auto, could that work? If we’re to believe all misogynistic stereotypes the answer to that is both yes and no. “A woman behind the wheel means blood on the wall”. And rational thinking? Puh-lease! Have you ever won an argument with a woman, even if she was dead wrong? Mhmmm… My point exactly. But Rockstar doesn’t mind going out on a limb on this one. Because some say that GTA 6 will let you control a woman. WITH A CONTROLLER!… with a controller, I mean. Please don’t cancel me…

According to who? Bloomberg, where they supposedly have a whole list of details regarding the “Hey, I had the right of way because I was driving faster” sim. They say that Rockstar has been toiling away at GTA 6 since 2014 and that it’ll take them at least two more years to release it. Holy Jezus, Mary, and Joseph in a tiny canoe! That’s 10 years of development! That says something, wouldn’t you agree?

What it should say is that GTA 6 could become massive. And according to Bloomberg, that’s a plausible assumption. To keep things nice and diverse – a mandatory thing if you don’t want to get canceled nowadays – Rockstar went for a fictitious version of Miami and surrounding areas. That way, you’ll get a bit of everything. A hustlin’ and bustlin’ city, suburbs, a few sandy playpens… the works. And all of ’em chockful of crime. But – and this is really important to some – far more interior locations. As you can imagine, that’s one reason why the development of GTA 6 is taking so long.

Then again, things might have changed along the way. When development started way back in 2014, the world was a different place. There was no LGBTQLEDUHDTV+ community to offend. People generally had thicker skin and didn’t scream bloody murder after every joke. People weren’t triggered by everything. Today, people are. I mean, I can’t even fucking enjoy Stray without being racist. And if a rice hat on a robot is already considered offensive, what the hell is Rockstar – the godfather of edgy dialogue – going to do? Simple. Diversity. And dial down the jokes on marginalized minorities.

Can you believe this was ever acceptable? Ermahgerd!

Diversity how? Well, the headline already gives it away. Because honestly, why does GTA always star rude, despicable dudes. GTA 5 even got three of ’em. A ‘n*gger’ yelling African-American (Damn… I almost said nigger. So inappropriate nowadays), some crackhead lowlife, and a misogynistic rich boi. You really can’t get away with that anymore. And Rockstar knows it. So to make sure that nobody gets butthurt over GTA 6, Rockstar reportedly chose to give one of the lead parts to a Latina. Says Bloomberg (paywalled), quoting other sources.

“Rockstar’s next game, Grand Theft Auto VI, will include a playable female protagonist for the first time.

“The woman, who is Latina, will be one of a pair of leading characters in a story influenced by the bank robbers Bonnie and Clyde, the people said. Developers are also being cautious not to “punch down” by making jokes about marginalized groups, the people said, in contrast to previous games.”

You know… I really couldn’t care less at this point. What’s the use? I can sulk about it all I want, but based on what? Maybe Rockstar knows what it’s doing and GTA 6 won’t be as woke as we think it’ll be. Maybe I’m complaining about things that won’t affect me at all. You know, like the majority of the “hey, that’s super offensive” mass. Just promise me I won’t get woke messages every time I run over a pedestrian. “Women can drive, too. Don’t stigmatize”. Of course not, Rockstar. Why do you think I let my girlfriend push the shopping cart? She can drive…