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Splinter Cell remake’s story might be “a little different”

Splinter Cell, now that was one helluva game back in 2002. Playing a one-man army as Sam Fisher, sneaking around, whistling, and choking dudes out for a living… those were the days. And those days will – at some point – be relived in the Splinter Cell remake. Just keep in mind that Ubisoft’s modern take on Sam’s first adventure might differ from the one in your memories.

That’s right. It won’t just be a visual upgrade for Splinter Cell when it creeps out of the shadows. Ubisoft Toronto is also updating the storyline to make it more suitable for “a modern audience”. How do I know? Because Ubi’s currently looking to lure in a scriptwriter who’s willing to “join the Narrative team and help create a cohesive and compelling narrative experience for a new audience of Splinter Cell fans”. Can you imagine Yves Guillemot hanging from an air duct, whispering: “Psst… allez… (French whistling noise) ? Unfortunately, I can.

So, how will this modernization of Splinter Cell affect its already magnificent script? I haven’t the slightest. But it might mean that Sam Fisher could now identify as a black, non-binary apache helicopter going by the pronouns chop/her. Then again, Sam might also come out as being trans from the get-go. I mean, Sam could’ve been Samantha at some point. I dunno.

I guess we’ll see what updates Ubi crammed in there got when the game drops. We still don’t know when that’ll be. If Skull & Bones and Beyond Good & Evil 2 can be used as indicators, we’re looking at a 2035 release window.