Bobby Kotick is finally leaving… The Coca-Cola Company

Bobby Kotick – the renowned CEO of ‘dindu nuffin’ publisher Activision Blizzard – has decided not to stand for re-election to The Coca-Cola Company board. In a statement made by the big man himself, Kotick claims that other matters demand his undivided attention. If only Coca-Cola would still put actual coke in its beverage…

For the past 10 years, Kotick has served the soda maker’s board of directors. But given the circumstances, fulfilling that role might not be the best of ideas at the time. With Kotick under constant fire for allegedly allowing his employees to be kinda gropey, having ties with a company that used to put drugs in drinks might be a bad call. Thus, Kotick has decided to step down. Well, not because of that, but because saving his Activision ass takes priority.

Because yes, there’s still ass to be saved. Not only from those who keep touching it but also from litigators. As cases have been piling up in the past few years, Activision is suffering attacks from all sides. Alleged victims, prosecutors, shareholders… they’re all on Kotick like brow on poo. It’s a good thing that Microsoft has come around to drag his balls out of the mud.

But hey, Kotick is a busy man. He can’t have possibly known about all of this. Kotick is even quitting his job at The Coca-Cola Company to clear his schedule. You know, so he can actually pay attention to his self-created clusterfuck. And don’t bring that “but he left an employee a death threat on voicemail” to the table. He apologized for that. Isn’t that a show of good faith?