Devolver picks E3 showcase date, instantly questioning it too

Digital E3 is creeping closer by the day, and you know what that means, right? Right?… C’mon, man! (or woman, or non-binary person). Devolver Digital’s super-duper E3 Showcase is too! After stating that the motley crew of gaming misfits had made their E3 plans, a date is now set in stone. Well, not in stone. More like drywall. And to be honest, Devolver might just break out the spackle, but they also mightn’t.

So how about that date? For starters, it’s going to be this year. Wow. Who would’ve guessed? To give you a more exact estimate, June has been mentioned by Devolver. Now get ready to break out the magic marker, take a real good whiff if that’s your thing, and put a big ol’ circle, cross, or whichever shape you’re comfortable with drawing on the twelfth day. Got it? Well okay then, that’s most probably the date to keep your schedule clear, so you can watch Devolver’s showcase uninterrupted.

What’s to be expected? Probably a whole bunch of bullshit and a pretty fucked up way of presenting it. Oh, and games. Yeah, definitely games. Some Shadow Warrior 3 news lies within the line of expectation. Death’s Door? You bet your sweet bippety! We might even get surprised with some brand-new announcements. Who knows? Well, Devolver knows. Maybe we’ll even see Nina “motherfucking” Struthers again.

All I know for sure is that it’s gonna be a doozy again. Devolver Digital has got a thing for coloring outside the lines, especially when it comes to E3. It’s the world’s worst kept secret that the publisher and the ESA – the organization behind E3 – aren’t exactly BFFs. If you ask Devolver, ESA can most likely go eat a bag of dicks. Devolver’s recalcitrant behavior towards E3 pretty much takes physical shape in their showcases. Wait, let me show you what I mean. This is last year’s showcase. Hold on to your butthole and press play.

So, what did I tell you? Pretty demented, right? Yeah, I know, there’s not enough alcohol and Vicodin in the world to make this memory fade. But I warned you, so quit you’re whining. And if this has proven to be too much to handle, please don’t tune in on June 12, even though you definitely should. If you don’t, you’ll probably regret it. Then again, you’ll most likely also regret it if you do watch it. So do whatever you want. It’s your funeral.

Whatever you do, save the date. June 12. Mark it in your calendar. If you’re wondering about a timeslot, not a damn clue. Knowing Devolver, they’ll let us know at some point. You know, just so you know when to stop jacking it for an hour. Damn, that’s a lot of knows…