French government says ‘non’ to American gaming jargon

Ahh… the French. Now those are some steadfast people. Known for having pain for breakfast, these onion-selling bastards are unyielding unless you can prove you’re the one who’s 100% “Reich”. But if you’re not a square mustache-rockin’ Nazi, the French aren’t too keen on your influence. And that’s why the French Ministry of Culture has decided to get rid of Anglo-American “contaminations” in their vocabulary. Esports? Non, monsieur. C’est jeu video de competition, maintenant.

That’s right. In order to keep the French language from being degraded by the English, officials are now desperately ‘purifying’ their vocabulary. According to the Ministry, English jargon might make things hard to understand for non-gamers. I mean, streamer, cloud gaming, esports… Sacre Dieu. Je ne comprends pas. That’s all jibberish to those French noobs.

Therefore, a task force is being assembled to come up with befitting native counterparts. Some are quite obvious, some less so. A pro-gamer will become a ‘joueur professionnel’, and a streamer ‘joueur-animateur en direct’. ‘Jeu video en nuage’ and ‘jeu video de competition’ will replace cloud gaming and esports.

I’m telling you, I’m being super serious here. This isn’t just a fad. I mean, look at the full list on this official document. These changes were already published in the state newspaper. Basically, it means that government officials can no longer use the English versions. It’s the law, man.

Anyway, good luck being ‘en direct’ on VousTube, showing ‘jouer video’ how to become a ‘joueur professionnel’ in ‘jeu video de competition’. God, I hate the French language from time to time…