[REVIEW] Asterix & Obelix: Slap Them All! – “POW”-erful shit

The holiday season might be all about love and understanding, but beating the snot out of somebody is still something that I’ll never pass up on. Digitally, of course. I mean, I’m as peaceful as they come. But give me an open field filled with targets and I’ll smash the crap out of ’em. Since that’s exactly what Asterix & Obelix: Slap Them All! asks me to do, it’s my most dubious GOTY contender ever, even though it has some serious limitations.

If you’re a fan of Asterix & Obelix, it won’t take much of your imagination to paint a mental picture of the game’s purpose. As the title says, slapping them all is pretty much your core activity. Think of it as Double Dragon or Streets of Rage, drenched it the iconic comic book visualization created by Albert Uderzo. Got that? Great.

The result of this fusion makes for an absolute gem of a beat-’em-up, on the visual aspect at least. Trust me when I say that Asterix & Obelix: Slap Them All! is absolutely gorgeous to look at. Simple as the game is, it won’t take a NASA computer to run it. Even on my laptop – which has the specs of a sweet potato – I was able to squeeze 60 frames per second out of the game, and it still looked fantabulous.

Not only does Asterix & Obelix: Slap Them All! look great, it’s also complimented by some solid voice acting and a superb soundtrack. My only real problem with the audio lies in the lack of language selection. Asterix & Obelix: Slap Them All! automatically takes the system language and sticks with it, without giving you options to change them. That might not be a big deal to most of us, but growing up with the original French versions of the animated movies, listening to English speaking Gauls just puts me off.

Anywho, fantabulous as Asterix & Obelix: Slap Them All! may be, it does have one serious drawback: it’s hella repetitive. Like most beat-’em-ups, Asterix & Obelix: Slap Them All! doesn’t really switch things up a lot. Whether you’re clobbering Romans, Vikings, or pirates, it all boils down to mashing the same buttons until they stay down. Sure, picking them up and bitch-slapping their teeth out will never fail to amuse, but it’s not something that’ll keep you entertained for hours on end.

The other thing that might put you off is the game’s general difficulty spike, or rather the lack of it. Staying true to the comics, Asterix & Obelix seem to have no problems thinning out a herd, even if it consists out of an entire garrison. The reason is clear here. Enemies are dumb as fuck and fairly limited in their attack schemes. Then again, so are you, but you will likely step aside when you see a 400-pound dude bum-rushing in.

That alltogether makes Asterix & Obelix: Slap Them All! a charming 2D brawler, but with some serious limitations. If you’re in the market for 50 levels of reference-laden arcade gameplay – occasionally mixed up with humoristic sprint races – Asterix & Obelix: Slap Them All! might just be your thing. If you’re more of a beat-’em-up enthusiast that seeks sunstance over style, you’d better beat it.

A (too) easy knock-out
The Hits
It's absolutely gorgeous
Filled to the brim with humorous combat
It even runs on a potato
A must-have for the avid Asterix & Obelix fan
The Misses
There's not much variety to be found
Adversaries are dumb as fuck
You can't select another language